podcast

Looking Gay

Tight pants! Leather jackets! Body hair! What would you wear if you wanted to "look gay"? How do these stereotypes affect us?

Reclaiming Masculinity

Maleness and masculinity are so privileged in our culture, sometimes it’s hard to see them as anything other than oppressive. How is Reclaiming, a feminist Pagan group in San Francisco, defining their own masculinity?

Hard to Tell

Transcript

Hey, this is Stephanie, and I'm here with my fellow producer.

A: And I'm going to remain anonymous for the day.

S: Yes. And in this episode of the podcast

we will be having a discussion about our experiences being queer and Latino in our families.

A: So Stephanie, who are you out to in your life right now?

Steph: I'm out to almost everybody in my life except my family.

I'm out at school and I'm out at work, but I'm not out to my family except from my sister.

A: Who are you out to in your life?

A: Right now, like you said, I'm out at pretty much everyone in my life except my family. No one in my

family knows.

S: So why are you not out to your family?

A: The reason I am not out to my family is because I am really scared of their reaction and

how they'll treat me after I do tell them.

I come from a very Mexican religious family who follow life pretty much by the Bible,

you know, like getting baptized, then having your first communion, then getting a confession and then

getting married to the opposite sex.

And...

I don't really know - I mean I have an idea of how they will react if they were to find out

that I was gay.

And I just, I really don't want to go through anything in my life 'cause, I mean I relly don't want to

go through that right now 'cause I have too much other stuff going on, like work and school and all that to worry about.

How about you? Why aren't you out to your family yet?

S: I'm not really out to them kinda from the same reasons as you, I'm afraid of what their reaction would be

because they, my parents and most of my family are very traditional Christians

or Jehovah's witnesses and they come from very, like - I guess you could say conservative

backgrounds in their native countries and here and I know that they wouldn't be open to it

as most people that I know here have been.

And I'm just afraid of what their reactions would be, 'cause I know it wouldn't be good.

A: Do you want to come out to them?

S: I do wanna come out to them.

It's just such a hard thing to do, it's always hard to tell somebody something that you don't know

what their reaction would be and as much as I really wanna come out to them I'm afraid that...

I really... I know that their reaction is gonna be negative so I don't want to come out to them.

So, what I'm kinda doing right now was being someone obvious with my sexual orientation or my non-straightness,

you could say, and by just being really involved in the LGBTQ community and doing a lot of things

Queer-related that I'm passionate about, like activism and all that stuff

and in that ways I think they kind of wanna ask what they're afraid to ask.

So, I don't know...yeah....

Why do you want to...

Do you ever want to come out to them?

A: Yeah, of course I do, I know I can't keep the secret for the rest of my life from them, but...

Yeah, I just, right now I feel like it's not the right time

because I just have so much other priorities and, like if I was to tell them it would just make

my stress level go much higher. It would be just really bad.

But, yeah, I do plan on telling them when I move out someday, 'cause that way I'd feel like

I wouldn't have to deal with their reaction to it as much and I could just give them time

away from me to think about everything.

S: So I heard you say that you have all other of priorities in your life right now.

If you want could you, like, could you elaborate on what those other things that you are being kept busy with right now?

A: Yeah, so first is school. You know, college could be really stressful 'cause the amount of work

is twice as - ten times as more than what I had in highschool

and it's something I need to get used to.

And I'm also trying to balance out school with two jobs

and I really haven't had time just for myself, to just relax.

So , yeah, I mean I'm just, my mind is just being kept occupied, like 24/7.

And it's good, I guess but you know, sometimes you just need time for yourself to just think

and relax and just get some sleep.

S: So why do you think your familes are the way they are when it comes to your sexual orientation?

A: So, kind of like I said earlier, I come from a very Mexican religious family, and they grew up as

being taught to follow the Bible and you know, growing up and marrying the opposite sex and all that

and I know they want the same for me and if I were to tell them that I was gay, it would just be

such a big change for them, 'cause not only like one or two people in my family are gay

and that are out, that I know of, and they don't like that.

Like, they always talk about them behind their back and that sucks 'cause, you know,

I know and I can't do nothing about it.

I can't put in my sense, 'cause they would be like 'Why do you care so much?'

Yes, so I guess it's pretty much, like all, like about the way they were raised and religion and all that.

How about you, why do you think your family are that way?

S: I think my family is very non-excepting of homosexuality in general 'cause they grew up with traditional

westernized Christianity in their native countries of Mexico and El Salvador.

And I know at some point in their native culture that being non-heterosexual was something very accepting

and even praised because of its spirituality but now it's -because of the religious aspect they've grown up in

it's seen like something more negative and they've been raised to think that religion,

I mean that homosexuality is negative and they don't want to see anything other that being brought

into their family, they're close family.

So I really just think it's just the way they were raised and the way they've been brought up

and they're just afraid to see anything other ways.

Oh....

S: Do you have any examples of the way your family has been just non-excepting in general of homosexuality

or any example like that?

A: Yeah, I have two examples that I can think of.

So, the first one would be, my sister's husband, he's really homophobic, I don't know why, but he is.

'cause one time I remember seeing, like some guy walking down the street and he was like "Ugh, look at that faggot,

he's hell of a gay, ta-la-la-la" you know, saying so many negative stuff.

I was just sitting there like quiet, thinking like "Why so much anger towards them?

They never did anything to you."

And he's just that type of person who always talks smack about people like that.

And I guess I never really asked them why he is that way because he's just... he's really like...

he's just a really negative person, he could be very mean sometimes.

I don't know, I just.. I wouldn't want to deal with him, 'cause we had big arguments before and it just

it was all bad. And then another example would be when my mom's seen pictures of me

and the girl I was dating. We were just, like... I was hugging her I guess and we were all over each

other. It looked like we were a couple and so she confronted me one day about it, put it like in a very

very angry tone.

She was just like "Why, like why ... like what's up with these pictures? Like, what is this?"

Like in a very...

She was yelling at me. And I was just denying it, of course, 'cause at that time I wasn't ready to tell

her, I didn't know how to tell her. I was still young and I just didn't know, I was so confused.

I was scared.

And, yeah, how about you?

S: Your story of your mom sort of reminds me in a way of the way my dad has reacted

to not seeing me in any of, like, queer ways, I guess, but, like me trying to stand up for other queer people.

So like when my dad watches novellas on TV he'll like, he'll see the stereotype

of gay male on TV and he'll say "Hey, Steph, look at that, ain't that super gay?"

And I would be like, I would feel like that's kind of, I'd try to stand up for my beliefs,

and tell him that "That was rude", I'd try to educate him.

He would just go off saying, like "I have really close friends who are gay, I'm just messing around, you know, I don't

really mean that", but even if he's just kidding, it still hurts, you know, and I've tried to take steps

to, like, tell my dad that, tell my brother things like that, just educate them about things,

and they just don't really wanna hear it, and I'm at the point when now that

I just don't really go out of my way to try to stick up for myself anymore, 'cause it doesn't, I'm just kinda

numb right now, it just doesn't bother me as much.

Yeah...

A: Was that it?

A: So you said your dad has some friends that are gay.

Do you want to elaborate on that?

S: Yeah, it's interesting, my dad's mentor, kind of like his father, who we've lived for since I was a baby

he's actually gay, and he's one of the closest males that my dad has in his life.

And it's interesting that he's gay and that my dad seems to, like have an exception for queer people

with him, to an extent.

A: So you said your dad had some friends that were gay. Do you want to elaborate on that a little bit more?

S: Yeah, sure. My dad actually has a mentor that he grew up with, who's gay, and he seems to

in a way, have an exception for him being gay.

And at the same time he doesn't because when my dad and my mum first moved in with him

and the mentor told them that he was gay

my dad basically said that, you know "It's ok for you to - like, this is ok as long as you don't mention this again,

and you never tell our children, and you just don't ever mention it again. We'll be ok with it."

And so, in a way my dad kinda accepts his mentor for being gay but at the same time he doesn't,

'cause he doesn't like him in general.

S: So what do you see the future being like with you being queer and you not being out to your parents yet?

A: Well, the way I see it as, is if I continue to date girls then

I would you know, eventually tell my family that I am gay when I move out,

so that way I wouldn't have to deal with their reaction

living there with them, I could just give them time and space to think.

But if from now on I, like start to date guys, and that's all I date is just guys, then I'm just not,

I'm going to keep it for myself and just act as if, like me being gay was just a phase

and I am better off not tell them anything at all.

How about you?

S: The way I envision the future right now is

for the next few years I don't plan to come out, as much as I really want to, I don't think it's just the safe,

a safe place for me to come out to my parents right now

with them and everything, but hopefully when I move out I would want to tell them at least

and hope they will be accepting and that everything will be ok and everything will be great again.

But right now it's just kind of tough, like, figuring out what I would come out as,

so it's gonna, I really don't know...

It might be a while before I can come out.

S: I have a question for all you outLoud listeners. If you are a queer person living in a Latino household,

we'd like to hear your experiences of being Latino and queer.

And if you want, you can send an email to us or send a text to

A: So, thank you Stephanie for sharing your story with me today,

and I would like to wish you luck on your situation.

S: Yeah, I wanna wish you luck too. It's really cool talking to another queer Latino person.

I feel like our voice doesn't get heard enough.

And I wish you luck too and I'm glad we had this conversation.

A: Thank you.

S: Yeah. And I actually have a question for all you fellow outLoud listeners.

Are you a queer Latino living in a Latino household?

If so, I wanna know about your experiences, if they're similar to ours or if you've had different experiences

we would like to hear from you.

You can leave a comment on our Facebook page, which is outLoud radio

or you can e-mail us at podcast@outloudradio.org

or leave a voice message at 415 658 6010.

This has been Stephanie..

A: And Anonymous.

S: And thanks for listening to outLoud radio.

Halloween outLoud

Halloween is a favorite queer holiday. In this episode of the podcast, elders and youth from the LGBT Intergenerational Storytelling Project share their own stories about queerness and Halloween.

Transcript

[MUSIC]

Sophia: Hi, I’m Sophia…

Mykel: …This is Mykel…

Both: …from outLoud Radio.

Sophia: It’s the Halloween season, and you know what that means. Ghouls, ghosts, and… Gay?

Mykel: Here at outLoud, we were listening to some recordings from our Intergenerational Storytelling Project, which is a program that links LGBTQ youth with LGBT elders to share stories. The ISP is a collaboration between three queer community organizations…

Sophia: …outLoud, LYRIC, and New Leaf. We discovered some interesting stories about Halloween being a queer holiday and decided to check it out.

[MUSIC]

Judy: My name is Judy Grahn and I… oh, what can I say? I’ve been interested in gay and lesbian culture for most of my life. I just started doing research, whatever kind of research I could, poking around in history and mythology of all different kinds and came up with a couple of pretty interesting ideas, and some of them are about Halloween. Always, in my experience, there were always lots of gay people who turned up for Halloween just because the fact that you can disguise yourself and be all different kinds of beings and creatures and so on. Halloween is actually New Year's; it's not the New Year's that is celebrated by the most of the US but it's New Year's that's celebrated by the Celts. So it was the time that the year ended and began again. So it's like, their idea was that the ends of the year didn't fit really smoothly together, that there would be a break in the middle and in that break in the middle anything could happen. I love that; it's like being able to look in two directions in one time. There’s just some way that being transgendered, or being gay and lesbian, in some ceremonial kind of way, or queer in some ceremonial kind of way fits with that, that it helps people understand that things change and that there's a way for them to change. So, it's an office that we do and I wish we did it more consciously in order to help our society go through its changes.

[MUSIC]

Philipe: Yeah I loved the part about Halloween being kind of this in-between space where people, you know, blend genders and blend the two different years and maybe look back on the year before and think about the new year. And I see it as a time where everyone kind of explores the queerness in themselves a little bit more, so I really love that, and I like thinking of it more as the new year ‘cause it’s definitely a holiday that appeals to me a lot more than New Year’s.

Marcia: The whole concept of “New Year” being one time and one way is dispelled when I think about it that way. I never related Halloween with being gay, and so that is quite a revelation for me.

MJ: In Chicago, for years, Halloween was all about the Halloween Ball. Straight folks would come and stand outside and line up and wait to see the gay folks come in. It was the only time of year that the Chicago Police Department would not arrest you for cross-dressing. It was a big deal. And we had a good time. Straight folks weren’t allowed to come in; it was strictly a gay affair.

Lexi: I started noticing guys dressing as girls and girls dressing as guys, but I was in middle school. I always asked my dad, I’m like, “Okay, I wanna be that next year, too!” And he’s like, “No! You can’t!” And I’m like, “Why? It’s Halloween.” And he’s like, “No, you’re a guy…

Patricia: As we grew up, I LIVED for Halloween because I knew then I could dress up as a pirate, or anything male.

Marc: If it hadn’t been for gay San Francisco’s Halloweens, I don’t think it would have spread across the nation the way it has. This used to be just a child’s holiday. In ’72 I came here and my first Halloween event was on Polk Street. And that was the place you went. The most impressive sight I saw was two Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence roller-skating... [laughter]... roller-skating up the street. And one flipped up her habit. And the LARGEST dildo that anyone has ever carried was—flop! [more laughter]

[MUSIC]

MJ: We could be whatever we wanted to be. We could be Tinkerbell, we could be Clara Bell, we could be Alexander Graham Bell! Y’know, because it was Halloween!

[MUSIC]

Mykel: With all that awesomeness in one holiday, it’s no wonder it’s so popular. So get it the spirit, put on your costume, and get your gay on! Thanks to Sophia for her help on this podcast, as well as the youth, elders, and staff that made the ISP happen. This is Mykel, and you’re listening to outLoud Radio.

Ava: Our podcast is supported by Youth Funding, Youth Ideas. OutLoud Radio exists thanks to the generousity of the San Francisco Foundation, Horizons Foundation, San Francisco LGBT Pride Celebration Committee, and most of all, thanks to lots and lots of people like you who chip in to make it happen! Find out how to donate at outradio.org. And, you should follow us on Facebook or Twitter. To do that, or hear more of our stuff, just go to outloudradio.org.

Coming Out of the Tide

Transcript

[music]

Advertiser: Are you Gay? Lesbian? Bisexual? Trans? Queer? Or questioning?

Is there no one in your life who understands?

Do you feel you have no one to turn to?

Then call the dolphin hotline: 1-800 -[dolphin sounds].

[Dialtone, touchtone sounds, phone ringing]

Presenter: Greetings, caller.

Caller: Uh, hi. Dolphin hotline?

I think I'm gay, and I don't feel like anyone knows what I'm going through. Am I really all alone?

Presenter: Don't worry, caller. You're not alone.

Dolphins can be gay, too.

Actually, lots of animals engage in homosexual activities -- like primates and lions. It's natural.

[dolphin sounds] [phone ringing]

Caller: Uh, hey. Is being gay just a phase?

My parents keep telling me that, but I don't really believe them.

Presenter: Well, some dolphins do end up going through a gay phase before they mature and mate with the opposite sex.

However, some dolphins will bond, form lifelong connections with the same sex, and travel the world together.

So, no, it may not be 'just a phase'.

But don't worry. Everything you're feeling is totally fine.

What you're going through doesn't make you any less of a person.

[dolphin sounds] [phone ringing]

Caller: Hi, um, I'm just calling because I was wondering if it was weird...

I'm a girl who likes boys... and girls? Is that normal?

Presenter. Yes. This is perfectly normal.

This means you may be bisexual, meaning you like both sexes.

Dolphins will sometimes engage in sexual acts with both genders, regardless of their sexual preference.

Just go with the flow! Go with the tide!

[dolphin sounds]

Caller: Hi, um... I think I'm transgendered. Is this normal?

Presenter: Sorry, caller. The Dolphin Hotline can't answer any transgender questions because dolphins haven't been shown to be transgender.

But you should call the Seahorse Hotline.

Humans are born transgender all the time, so don't worry.

You can also call the GLBT hotline for any other questions at 1-800-246-PRIDE,

or 1-800-246-7743.

[music]

Advertiser: Call the Dolphin Hotline today. Lines are open now.

[music]